I wish

I wish I wish I wish.

I have so much so much so much to be grateful for, but in bed I think of the lives of other nineteen year olds. How other nineteen year olds are partying at that moment, or sleeping to prepare for their Good Summer Jobs that Will Get Them Somewhere In Life (in the adult world), or studying, or worrying about real problems.

And then there is me.

I have a mini-part time job, and another mini-part time job that starts at the end of June. I want to volunteer desperately, but every place I volunteer to volunteer with wants me to be a full-time volunteer! Excuse me, but I need to eat too. I don't want to party all the time, and I somehow missed out on my chance for a Good Summer Job that Will Get Me Somewhere In Life, especially because I want to be a social worker and not a lawyer or something strange like that. I can't study because I don't have class because I can't afford it in the summer (too many loans), and ahhhhh! I'm worrying and I don't even have a brain tumor or an eviction notice. I'm going to die early because of all this unnecessary worrying!

Everyone reminisces about when they were young and carefree and how great their lives were. What am I doing wrong? Am I sleeping too much? My manager seems to think every teenager's problems stem from sleeping too much. He said he'll sleep when he's dead. Oh, world, I would love to always be awake, if only my life was as great as every middle=aged person's memories.

Of course, deep down, I think their memories are wrong.